Smoothing Out

Hey friends. Things are getting better in a lot of ways.

I was just hit with a happy wave of satisfaction that I own this website. I love my brand name. I love the way it sounds, and what it means to me, and the history behind it. I love that I can sit here now and write in long form, this journal, and not really care about who sees it. I just enjoy the act of expressing myself. It’s a practice.

So I got hacked last week and had to rebuild my whole internet life. It’s refreshing in a way. I lost my youtube, so I’m rebuilding a new one. I don’t feel like making any youtube content right now, because that’s a bit project that requires focus and a large block of time and studio setup. And, I’m working on my show coming up Friday night at the Indie in St Pete. Lovely place. It’s a great time.

Oh my last post was very complaint oriented. I do that sometimes. But since then, I got my money back that was stolen. That’s great! 🙂

So I am a photographer, and a musician. I feel like I have to give an explanation and an excuse for being an artist. I feel like I am not understood. I have to tell myself positive things all the time.

Besides that, I feel like I haven’t really broken into any fame or easy life that I kind of wanted. I always thought and assumed that I could just become this celebrated and loved artist and have the world at my fingertips and things would be easy.

But it’s not like that, and has never been like that. Life is a series of paths, and you can only choose one at a time. It’s not like I can just change paths on a whim and go do what I want, and feel and follow impulses. It just doesn’t seem to work like that. Even tho my mind does change often, the world doesn’t let me change as much as I would like.

It’s easy to quit, take a break, and start something new, but it’s hard to reach a high state of function, because that requires my network relationships. I can change, but people can’t change their perception of me as quickly as I change my own self. So, the nature of my relationships always has a delay until some kind of cycle of unity and synchronicity emerges.